Monday, December 26, 2011

We Caught the Egg!

When I started this blog, I didn't really think I'd get any followers. I figured as soon as I actually became pregnant I would be able to blog about it without any concern. But, I began getting followers (which is so awesome) and figured that when the day came of getting my two pink lines, I probably would have to keep my mouth shut for a while. I did not want any family or close friends finding out about a pregnancy by accident or gossip. So, that's why I've not updated sooner. We wanted to wait for awhile and be sure this pregnancy was progressing properly. We also needed time to fill our family in on the news. (If I remember correctly blogger will date my entry for the date I began writing it, and not when it's posted. I will continue to update this blog entry until we've made the official announcement. So, don't worry all my pregnancy entries will NOT be this long.)

But, it is with a heart heavy with joy and excitement that I announce that we are FINALLY expecting an addition to our family.

The most interesting part of this story some of you may already remember. We conceived our son on our 11th cycle of trying which happened to be in December of 2007. This new baby was conceived on our 11th cycle of trying which also happened to be in December. Pretty interesting if you ask me.

I spent the beginning of the month not feeling the best and then my BBT thermometer stopped working properly. I wasn't feeling very well so I didn't do as many OPKs as I should have. So, I have no idea when I ovulated or conceived. But, that was probably in God's plan. I needed to take my eye off the ball long enough for Him to work His magic.

I went on a trip up north with our DS and some out of town family. When I returned it was a Thursday evening and I knew AF should be here on the following Saturday if my cycles were going to stay as regular as they had gotten. So, I took one of my Wondfo HPTs and was shocked when I saw a vague (but totally there) second line. My husband was even able to see it. I decided I would test again in the morning but with his urging I tested again that night and got the same vague line. I've been using Wondfo tests for most of this ttc time and I never have gotten anything quite like this on it. The fact that I got two results in a row like this led me to believe that it could quite possibly be our BFP.

I tested in the morning with FMU. The line was back and slightly more prevalent. I had to go grocery shopping for Christmas dinner and decided I would pick up some FRERs (the Cadillac of HPTs). When I got home my husband and I snuck into the bathroom (a hard task since we had company) and I took the FRER. Right away two beautiful pink lines began appearing.

I continued testing periodically until I felt my lines were getting dark enough that a digi would work properly. It was a thrilling experience to see the word "pregnant" on a test again.

Here is our FRER.

Here is our digi.

This is the progression from the first test I took when I returned from our trip. Note how dark my lines are getting (indicating a build up of hormone in my system).

So, we're thrilled to say the least. This baby will be due around the time Joseph's EDD was. Joseph was supposed to be due 9/10, but was born on 8/14. This baby is due on 9/1.

I'm having a lot of PMS like symptoms right now (I'm currently 4w2d - 12/26/11). My BBs are killing me and I'm pretty emotional and irritable. I'm having cramping, but it's not as intense as AF cramps. I've also been having some cervical pain (I don't remember if I had this with Joseph, but then again when I got pregnant with him I'm sure I had no idea what cervical pain was). I've also been peeing a little more than usual and I seem like I can't ge the "hungry" sensation in my belly to go away. 4w2d (12/26/11)

4w2d (12/26/11)

Today is 12/28/11 and I am currently 4w4d. I've been experiencing a lot of cramping throughout the day. I'm hoping it's a good cramping that means that our little one is burrowing deeply in. I'll be honest, since the miscarriages I'm a little bit more nervous about being pregnant. I so want this child to arrive healthy and safe. I'm looking forward to our first doctor's appt in less than two weeks. It will be nice to have the doctor tell me how everything is looking.

Today is 1/1/12 and I am currently 5w1d. We've been planning on waiting to tell people about the baby until at least after our first doctor's appt. We just wanted to be sure things were still on course. But, our little DS had other plans last night. He spilled the beans to 1/2 the family. So, today we're going to let him tell the other 1/2 of the family so no one is left out of the loop. I know he's super excited and can't blame him for wanting to share the news with everyone. On another note, I'm still experiencing some cervical pain. I hope that's normal at this point. It will definitely be something I ask the OB about next Monday. I had my first episode of getting sick yesterday, but in my defense - I was cleaning up cat vomit. I'm trying to drink lots of water, but I'm peeing so often right now it's making me not want to drink quite so much. I can't even take an 1 1/2 hour nap without waking up half way through to pee. It's interesting that I'm experiencing so much already, because I don't really recall feeling anything besides cramping until I was about 7 weeks with DS.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

CD18 of C11

I won't know when ovulated this month. We were in a car accident, out of town, and then I had a bad reaction to medicine they prescribed. So, I was not able to keep up with temping and taking my OPKs. If I ovulated at around the time I have been I would have missed the thermal shift so temping now would not make sense. I'll pick it up again next cycle.

If this cycle is like the previous few, AF should be here in about 10 days or so. I would guess that I'm about 4DPO. So I'm sure I'll become a POASA in a few days. But in all honesty I don't expect to see much. We didn't get much BDing in thus far because of everything that happened and my body has been through a lot.

The experts say that a couple in their 20's should have about an 85% of conceiving within the first year. In all technicality we are on like month 17 of ttc, but our cycles have been few and far between sometimes and we've really only been together for 11 (counting this one). I don't know if that means we have to have 12 consecutive months of failure before we can be deemed unsuccessful at conception and experiencing secondary infertility. Our good insurance should kick back in again in a couple of weeks and I will be in the OB/GYN's office ASAP trying to get this show on the road.

But I'm pissed off that this is a struggle. I wish I could punch ttc in the face. It deserves it.

In all truth I've had three miscarriages thus far in my life. Perhaps this has led to some scarring or scar tissue. I don't know. I just thought getting pregnant would go so much faster once my body was in better shape and I was eating healthier and exercising somewhat regularly. This makes me feel like a failure in so many ways.

Monday, November 28, 2011

CD3 of C11

We conceived on our 11th cycle of trying with DS. Which just happened to be December of 2007. I'm hoping since our 11th cycle will land us possibly conceiving in December that maybe it will be good luck.

My DH thinks we should start BDing every day as soon as AF is finished. I'm worried that would deplete the swimmers.

I'm just so ready to be pregnant. There were a lot of pregnancy announcements this last cycle. It would be the best Christmas/New Year's and birthday gift to know we were pregnant again.

I did ovulate on CD14 on C10. Which means I'm ovulating usually on CD14 or CD15 now. And my luteal phase has been a consistent 14 days. I know the weight loss has played a part in my ovulating becoming regular again. That's something to be very thankful for.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

2DPO of C10

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. I hate hearing about unplanned, unwanted pregnancies.

I do not understand why it is so easy for those not wanting a child to become pregnant, and so challenging for those couples trying and trying and trying to become pregnant. It seems unfair and unjust. I don't get it. I don't.

As a Christian I pray that I have more peace over this. I pray that I don't become overwhelmed with jealousy and hatred for those people that bring children into this world in such an easy and irresponsible way. It's hard. It gets harder every month that passes and my womb remains empty.

I'm sure God is trying to teach me about patience. I'm sure He's trying to remind me that He is in control, and that His timing is perfect. But, it's hard to think all those things, especially when I see mother after mother not wanting or loving the child that has been placed in her womb.

I don't want to hear, just don't think about it. So please keep those comments to yourself. I don't want to hear it'll happen when it's supposed to. I know these things. And let me tell you they don't ease my pain or worry as a woman trying so hard to grow her family and month after month failing at it.

Perhaps that's why I've been absent more than necessary from this blog, from my other blog, and from my forums. I'm jealous, I'm worried, and I'm fearful. What if I don't carry another child in my womb?

As my 3 year old plays with my leg and my foot as I type this I'm reminded that it's selfish to be worried about that. Yes, I'm blessed. I have so much more than some women. I have a beautiful, healthy, vibrant, brilliant little boy. I am blessed. But, I know I could love another child as well and I want so much to have another one. Does that make me greedy? Yes, I guess it does.

As with most things you'd think in time it'd get easier. But, it's not the case for this. Each cycle that passes without success is a reminder that I've failed at this. It's a reminder that with each passing month that I grow older my chances of conceiving are diminshed a little more. Yes, I know I'm young. But I've read the studies that with each passing year your ferility decreases every so slightly.

So, yeah, I'm selfish and greedy. I'm jealous and frustrated. I'm nervous and scared and worried. I just want to be able to give my husband, my son, and myself a new family member. I want to feel a child within me. I want to bring that little one into this world. I want to nurse that baby. It's a primal, biological desire. It's getting stronger with each passing day.

God made us wait nearly a year for Joseph. Even though we began trying in August of 2010 we are technically only at 10 cycles (due to my husband's military absences). I know we still have time. But I'm impatient.

Please pray that God would bless us with another healthy child. Please pray for peace and patience and guidance for me.

Friday, November 11, 2011

CD14 of C10

I got a positive OPK yesterday (CD13) afternoon. I'm really crampy right now, so I think that egg is getting ready to go. Hope this is the month for us!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

CD6 of C10

Sorry that I've not posted much on here. We've just moved and things have been chaotic. I hope to get back into the swing on posting on here in a couple weeks once things are settled. Another cycle has come and gone and I'm still not pregnant. Hoping this one brings good luck.

Monday, October 17, 2011

3DPO of C9

I ovulated on Friday. I got my positive OPK on Thursday and my temp drop on Friday morning.

It's way too early to be experiencing any symptoms. I already feel out this cycle though. I've been having pain in my pelvic area. It's actually at the incision site from when I had a exploratory laparoscopy back in 2009. I had had an incomplete miscarriage then and they thought there was nothing retained but a few days later I wound up with a raging infection and severe abdominal pain. So they had to do a D&C and an exp. scope to be sure nothing else was wrong with my uterus.

It's probably scar tissue that's causing the pain. But it does make me a little uneasy.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

CD7 of C9

AF is done. I experienced something kind of unusual this time as well. I had tons and tons of EWCM during AF. It was really kind of bizarre. There was so much I actually took an OPK to be sure I wasn't already ovulating. It was of course negative.

My DH should be here until the 14th. I say the word should, because anything could change between now and then. If I have a cycle like last month I will ovulate on the 13th (one week from today). That would mean we'd have a good chance of catching the egg. But my body has a way of being difficult, so I'm not going to hold my breath that I will ovulate when I "should". The plan is to get as much BDing in as possible before he's gone again.

I saw a psychic at the Renaissance Festival last month. I know it's purely for entertainment, but I saw the same one when ttc our DS. She told me with him that I would conceive within the calendar year. I saw her in September and conceived in December. This time she said that it would be a long time before I would conceive. Over 18 months. She said she saw me having 3 children also.

Again, I know it's purely for entertainment. But, I really hope she's way off here. I don't mean to sound selfish, but we started ttc 14 months ago. I really, really hope it doesn't take an additional 18 months.

Friday, September 30, 2011

CD1 of C9

AF is here. Thus begins cycle number nine.

As of right now it's looking like my husband should be here for this cycle. But with the military anything is possible. That means that this may change from an actual ttc cycle to a hiatus one at any moment.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

CD14 of September Hiatus

I got my positive OPK today. I've been having tons and tons of EWCM the last 3 days. So I knew my positive would be coming soon. Of course my husband is on orders and out of state currently. So there's no chance, whatsoever, of catching this little eggy.

DH left while I was still on AF and won't return until just a few days before AF is due again. I'm discouraged, but knew he was going to be gone during ovulation. But even though I knew it's still frustrating.

We might have a chance next month to try and catch the egg but we'll have to see. A lot of things are still up in the air.

Friday, September 2, 2011

CD1 of September Hiatus

We will be on a hiatus due to my husband's absence. He will be gone on orders most of September. If something changes and we have a chance to catch the egg I will change the status.

I will continue to temp and use OPKs on the off chance that we will be together during ovulation.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

CD28 of C8 (13DPO)

I'm so frustrated.

This week I broke down and bought FRERs (first response early result). They are like the Cadillacs of HPTs. I began getting faint but definitely "there" pink lines. I thought awesome, we have the start of something.

This morning I had a huge temp drop, began having regular, strong AF cramps and began spotting. AF is starting. I am defeated yet again.

On that note we will be on a hiatus during September because my husband will be out of town on orders until the very end of the month. I haven't decided if I will keep temping and/or using OPKs during September. I know they aren't neccessary since my DH will be gone, but I will be able to keep track of ovulation and possibly track a pattern.

I will also be trying to get into the GYNO and make sure he feels everything is still in working order.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

CD26 of C8 (11DPO)

Well, I've tested. Officially they are all BFNs. I swear though that I saw a whisper of something pink on my test last night. But considering I have line eye (it's a common malady brought on by TTC so long) and I don't trust it.

I'm out of tests. I've ordered more, but they won't be here until Thursday afternoon and I won't be home until Thursday evening. So, if AF is not here by then I will test on Thursday night. I will be 13DPO by then. If what I saw last night was truly there it should be much more definitive by then. So, we wait and we see.

Last night I couldn't be more convinced that AF wasn't coming and this morning I couldn't be more convinced she's on her way. I probably got my hopes up too much last night and they were completely crushed with my stark white BFN this morning.

We will be moving in October so I keep telling myself it's better that I'm not pregnant because that way I won't have to take it easy when it comes time to move.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

CD23 of C8 (8DPO)

I've been having some cramping a low backache the last couple of days. But that's pretty common for me at the onset of AF.

My BB's seem back to normal. They haven't been tender or puffy today.

My DH will be gone most of the month of September. He may be able to come home on the weekends, but we don't know for sure yet. That means we might be on a hiatus next month.

I plan on testing on Monday at 10DPO.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

CD19 of C8 (4DPO)

What's with these sore BB's? I actually had to keep one arm across my chest while I worked out this morning. They are definitely bigger than normal right now too.

I have no CM. Like none at all. It dried up on Saturday and actually has made BDing a little challenging. I'm thinking I didn't get enough green tea in since I ovulated much earlier than I expected.

I had a little bit of cramping while I was working out earlier too. But nothing compared to the amount of cramps last month.

And I've been freezing for the last few days. I am always hot this time of year, but for some reason I'm freezing. And I also had a headache from hell last night.

Okay, okay.. I think I'm done complaining.. At least for now.

Monday, August 22, 2011

CD18 of C8 (3DPO)

According to my BBT chart I ovulated on Friday. That makes complete sense because I got my one positive OPK on Thursday. That makes me 3DPO today.

It's way too early for any legitimate symptom spotting. The only thing out the ordinary right now is my sore BB's. I've had them for several days now and that's weird because I usually don't even get it as a PMS symptom. They are puffy and tender. It's obviously the hormones, but it's definitely uncomfortable.

But that's really all that's going on thus far. Hope everyone is having a good start to their week.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

CD14 of C8 (Part 2)

Here are the pictures of today's OPK as promised. Test line is on the left, please note that the test line is darker than the control line once again.

I've also noticed that my BBs have been tender since last night. They are so rarely ever tender so I'm hoping this will prove to be a good sign.

CD14 of C8

I got my positive OPK today!

It's 3 days earlier in my cycle than last month. I wonder if my body is trying to get to that average 28 day cycle. I am so happy I started using my OPKs earlier, it's really possible that if I waited to start testing tomorrow I may have missed it.

I did take a pic but I'm not home right now. So when I get home I will post the pic in all it's positive glory.

And for those wondering, yes, my husband is in town. So hopefully we can catch that little perfect eggy!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

CD13 of C8

Wowza! My OPK is almost positive. I will be surprised if it is not positive by Friday.

I've not been too crampy this cycle. A couple days of a few cramps but not too much. Lots of EWCM though. And when I say lots, I mean LOTS. I've begun jogging this cycle and I wonder if that extra exercise and cardio is increasing my CM. Hmm.. Who knows? I don't mind it thought because I know the more of it there is the longer those little guys can stay alive in there!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

CD12 of C8

I began drinking my green tea last night. And I will continue through ovulation.

I've been feeling a little crampy and having a lot of EWCM the last few days so I thought I better take an OPK to be safe. It definitely wasn't positive but it is on it's way. Depending on how my EWCM is tomorrow I may just start taking them now versus waiting until CD15 and possibly missing my surge.

Not much else to mention. I only have three HPTs left and I am not planning on buying anymore until after AF starts. So I am going to pace myself with them. I'm trying not to be quite so crazy this cycle. I've just been focusing most of my attention on my workouts and diet this month.

I've been temping still but I think my thermometer is about to die. I know you aren't supposed to switch thermometers mid cycle so I'm not really sure what to do.

Hope everyone is having a great August. Sunday was DS's birthday and he turned 3.

Friday, August 12, 2011

CD8 of C8

So here we are. Eight days into our 8th cycle of ttc.

I didn't get my pedicure like I planned. Instead I rewarded myself with a meal that I don't usually allow myself because it has too many calories. I will get my pedicure in September though. I have to stop rewarding myself with food. Otherwise I will never get to my goal weight.

I think I will start using my OPKs at CD15. I will also begin drinking my green tea at about CD12.

Yesterday I went through my friend list on FB. Out of my 220ish friends 60 people on there have either welcomed a baby or gotten pregnant within the year we've been trying. That's more than 25% of my FB friends. It frustrates me. It really does.

But I'm trying to be logical about our pregnancy loss in 2009 and also about the fact that I am still NOT pregnant. I'm thankful that I won't have to work outside the home during another pregnancy like I did with the previous ones. Even though each month has been met with sadness and disappointment, it's given me an opportunity for another month of weight loss. More weight loss means a healthier me when I finally do conceive. Also, when we started ttc I started socking away a few bucks a week towards things we would need to purchase before a baby is born. The more time it takes to conceive the more money I'm able to save. We have more than enough to buy a new crib and pretty much everything on my list thus far. Any extra money we set aside that doesn't get used for a new baby's things will go into a college fund for that little one.

I can't continue to lose weight while pregnant. So when I get AF I see it as at least 4 more weeks of being able to shed as many pounds as possible. I'm 11 pounds away from no longer being classified as obese. As much as I want to be pregnant it would be so much better for me and baby to be far enough away from the obese category that any pregnancy weight gain doesn't push me back into dangerous territory. For any of you who don't know I suffered PIH with DS and had to be put on bedrest at 30 weeks and induced at 36 weeks. As a result DS spent a week in the NICU and could never properly breastfeed (which means this poor Mommy pumped for 10 months - which is when my supply finally dried up).

I'm really excited to say that Carrie is my cycle buddy again. I'm hoping we both ovulate around the same time again. Liz is taking a few months off per doctors orders, but hopefully when she can ttc again we will all be cycle buddies again.

Friday, August 5, 2011

CD1 of C8

AF arrives on the cusp of 3 pregnancy announcements on FB this week. To say that I'm feeling just a little bit like life is not fair would just be the tip of the iceberg.

We know I ovulated in C7 and according to FF my LP was 13 days. That is a perfect LP so that is good news.

One of my cycle buddies, Carrie, has begun her AF as well. My thoughts and prayers go to her and her DH. My other cycle buddy, Liz, is still holding out so hopefully there's still a chance for her BFP.

Some things have happened and there is a possibility that my DH may not be home for ovulation this month. I will hopefully have more details as things unfold.

I plan on temping and using OPKs again this cycle.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

CD31 of C7 (12DPO) PART 2

I have begun to spot. That means AF will be here sometime between now and Friday.

I'm sad. No, not sad. Crushed. Yes, that's a better word. I feel defeated and broken.

But we do know that I ovulated this cycle (which is a plus). My husband will be on orders and away for most of the month of September, but if I ovulate on the same CD in August (CD19) as I did in July we may have a chance to catch the egg before he goes. September will more than likely be out though.

My two cycle buddies are still in the running and I hope and pray they still get their BFPs this cycle.

We have now currently been ttc for over a year.

CD31 of C7 (12DPO)

I'm having pretty severe cramps. I will be very surprised if I do not start spotting sometime today.

My BBT chart still looks okay (the link is on the right if you want to check it out). I'm still running a low grade temp, and I'm still very thirsty. I'm tired, but I'm also the mother of a nearly 3 year old, so that could explain it.

I got another BFN today. I've decided I will not be testing again unless I get to Friday morning without any spotting. If I make it to Friday morning and AF isn't showing any signs of coming yet I will test. But I'm sure by then she'll be here or I'll at least be spotting.

My two cycle buddies have yet to get their BFPs either. Please continue to pray for them as well.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

CD30 of C7 (11DPO)

I wish I could say I knew what was going on within my body. I wish I could say without a doubt that I'm pregnant or that AF is on her way. But I can't. I don't know what I feel anymore.

Two days ago I was completely convinced I wouldn't make it through the day without AF appearing. Now I don't know.

I'm still crampy, but either I've gotten used to it or they aren't as strong and constant as before.

I'm still running a low grade temp.

And then other than my mood swings which are not uncommon for this point in my cycle - I've got no symptoms one way or another.

My BBT is kind of that way too. It's not real low and it's not real high. I just feel like there's no true answer.

I've tested and only had BFNs.

So, who knows what's going to happen. If my cycle is going to be the same length as last month's I'll start today. I'll keep ya'll updated.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

CD27 of C7 (8DPO)

So, I'm getting nervous because my last cycle was only 29 days. We're encroaching on that number. If I only get to CD29 that will more than likely not be a long enough luteal phase. So, I'm hoping I get to at LEAST 11DPO. Please, please, please.

Where to start? Well, I'm still crampy. My cramps now feel kind of colicky if that makes any sense. They are extremely low. And depending on what part of the day it is I bounce back and forth between feeling like they are just like AF cramps or a little bit different.

I've been running a low grade temp several days now and although I had that symptom with DS, I've had cycles since trying for this baby and had the same thing and nothing came of it.

I'm extremely thirsty, which we all know is a common symptom for me around this time.

My CM comes and goes. One day it's heavy and constant and the next, like today, it's pretty much non-existent.

I've been battling a headache for many days now. I don't want to take anything just in case it's an early preggo symptom. Yes, I know Tylenol is supposedly safe, but I'd like to take nothing if I can.

My dreams have been vivid. And I keep dreaming of getting my BFP, but that is also common for this part of my cycle.

I did experience what I feel was an implantation dip on my BBT chart and then a rise the following day. Although this tends to happen more often in charts of women who were indeed pregnant, it can still happen in women's charts who aren't. So, I'm trying not to read too much into it.

My stomach has been off all day too.

I really feel like AF is coming, and I'm not as hopeful as I once was. If you pray, please continue to pray for my cycle buddies Liz and Carrie. And you can throw in a little prayer for us too if you have the time.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

CD24 of C7 (5DPO)

I saw a dip in my temp yesterday at 4DPO which after some research via Google found out is called a corpus luteum dip. It's not indicative of pregnancy or non-pregnancy. It's just something that happens with the corpus luteum as it's releasing progesterone after ovulation.

I, however, do not think my last 2 temps are the most accurate. One night I was up going to the bathroom about 4 times and then last night I was up with DS. I know for your BBT chart to be accurate your temp should be taken at the same time every morning without any interruptions. Unfortunately that is not always possible.

I've been tired the last two days, but I've also had my sleep disturbed so I don't think I would tie it to an early pregnancy symptom just yet.

EWCM has returned in full force today. This is a normal pre-menstrual symptom for me. So is the excessive thirst and headache I've been feeling.

I'm still really crampy. Surprise, surprise - right? I'd like to think they are implantation cramps but it's a little early for that. Implantation normally takes place 7-10DPO so I still have a couple more days I think.

Fertility Friend (FF) the place where I record my BBT every morning has some of my old cycles from when we were TTC DS stored as well. So it averages out my cycle length, luteal phase (LP), and ovulation day. According to FF my average LP is only 11 days. Which seems a tad short to me, but seeing as how this is my first cycle I've recorded while trying for baby #2 that statistic may be off. Especially since it's taking into account cycles from over 4 years ago. I'm sure my body has changed since then.

If I have a cycle as long as I did last month AF will be here in about 5 days.

I'm really also glad to have two cycle buddies. ConstantlyHopeful and I O'ed the same day and are both 5DPO and then my other cycle buddy YoungandInfertile is a little ahead of us as 7DPO. Both of my cycle buddies have been ttc much, much longer than we have. If you have the time please say a prayer for them. They so deserve to get their BFPs!

Monday, July 25, 2011

CD22 of C7 (3DPO)

You know you're a dedicated, hardcore TTCer when you check FF three thousand times a day (even though there's no way anything could have changed since you entered your temp that morning). And you know you're truly hardcore when your garbage can is full of things you've urinated on - and even better, sometimes you keep the most recent thing you've peed on just to compare to the next. How weird is my life? I'm glad I'm not alone.

But anyways, I've attached a link to my chart if anyone understands it or wants to stalk it. It's over to the right ----> that way folks. I've left the nitty gritty details of my sex life off of it, but just know the timing was right on.

I'm still crampy, but when haven't I been this cycle? I had a moment of dizziness that lasted like .2 seconds, so I can't really count that as a symptom. My hormones really have me messed up though. I was up at 6am and couldn't go back to sleep. Anyone who knows me understands that I NEVER rise that early unless my life depends on it. I'm hoping I can sleep soundly and deeply tonight.

So, anyways, I gotta go. Time to check FF again.. :)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

CD21 of C7 (2DPO)

OPKs are still negative, so I feel like I can stop checking. It's hard to do this TTC stuff when you are so darn neurotic.

But anyways, no symptoms to really report. My CM is completely gone. Which I guess is a little weird because I tend to have a lot of CM right up until AF arrives on scene.

I'm in the dreaded 2WW. Where there's nothing I can do but to wait. And I hate waiting.

My temp is still going up so that's a good confirmation of ovulation. If I'm pregnant I could see a dip (possibly signaling implantation) around 7-10DPO. So, I guess I'll be keeping an eye out for that.

But I guess that's it for now..

Saturday, July 23, 2011

CD20 of C7 (1DPO)

Okay, I had a big temperature spike this morning. So basing that with the positive OPK, the temp drop yesterday, and the temp spike this morning; I am counting yesterday as my ovulation day. It probably took place sometime between my evening OPK on Thursday and when I temped on Friday morning. So that means today is 1DPO (1 day past ovulation).

The neurotic that I am will test one more time this afternoon to be sure my OPK is still negative (it's a good thing I got a good deal on them from Amazon).

I still have a bit of EWCM and I'm still crampy. But considering I've cramped every day this cycle I'm not surprised.

ConstantlyHopeful, we must definitely be cycle buddies since we are marking the same day as ovulation day! :)

Friday, July 22, 2011

CD19 of C7

So when I tested yesterday evening (like I said I would on the previous entry) my OPK was still glaringly positive. Of course like the neurotic I am I scoured to the end of the internet looking for how many other women have more than 1 day of positive OPKs. Of course I was doubtful of even getting a positive when I started this and to have two days in a row I figured something must be wrong. But I was assured by the women who play doctors on the ttc forums that only when I got over 3 days in a row of positive OPKs did I need to be concerned. According to my research, PCOS will cause lots of days of positive OPKs, and since I have this condition I was expecting multiple days of positives and then no real conformation of ovulation.

I think my weight loss may be helping the PCOS. Of course I'm just assuming, I haven't had my PCOS monitored in quite a while. But today when I tested (twice - Remember what I said yesterday? I've become a POAS-addict/aholic) my OPK was negative.

I spent so much time googling yesterday my DH came up and said, "Are you trying to find out ways to help us get pregnant?" He's a good guy, and he is working hard (literally and figuratively) to get me pregnant. I'm glad that he's in this with me. I love him a lot (not just for this, but for so many other reasons).

Oh and I forgot (well not really forgot, just omitted) that I began temping again. I know my plan was to not use the OPKs and to not temp until we've failed at 12 cycles but in my defense next month is a year from when we started cycle 1 (so stop judging me! LOL!). And I'm neurotic and a worry wart and was thinking I wasn't ovulating, so now I should have some sort of confirmation. But anywho, I've been temping (only for 3 days) but I got a definite drop in temp this morning and that along with the positive OPK last night should signify that ovulation has indeed taken place.. That is of course as long as my temp goes up tomorrow morning. Rest assured, me and my neuroticism will be sure to update you on that tomorrow sometime.

I also wanted to mention I've been a really good girl this cycle. I've drank green tea on a regular basis, trying my best to drink buckets and buckets of water every day, and I've not missed a prenatal vitamin this cycle. Speaking of prenatal vitamins, I got a different brand at the store and I'm pretty sure it's making my pee neon yellow. And when I say neon, I mean NEON.

My optimism has returned (if only briefly) for now. I ovulated right along with one of my blogging buddies, and I hope you are right YoungandInfertile, this better be both our months! And ConstantlyHopeful, I know we are cycle buddies, and it would be amazing if we could be due date buddies. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I'm just so ready! And Emma, I know you aren't ttc right now, but I appreciate your prayers and support so much. And to anyone else who comments on my entries, or knows what's happening - thank you. I appreciate all the love, all the prayers, and all the support. I'm so glad that we aren't going through this alone.

My mantra this week? "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming." Thanks Dorey. :)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

CD18 of C7

Just wanted to let all of you know that my OPK is still positive. It's not darker than the control line like yesterday but is definitely as dark as the control line. I hope this means I'm getting ready to release the most aweseomest (yes, I know that's not a real word) egg ever! I might take another test before bed just to see if it's starting to get lighter or not. Yes, I've become a POAS-aholic.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

CD17 of C7 (part 3)

Here are the pictures as promised. This is my positive from today. On the left is the test line (please note that it is darker than the control line on the right). This test couldn't get more positive if it wanted to!

CD17 of C7 (part 2)

I definitely got a positive on my OPK today. There was no ambiquity. I even asked my husband. It wasn't too hard to decipher considering that my test line was DARKER than the control line. Didn't think that was even possible.

I will post a pic later. My husband took my son out for the day to give me an afternoon to myself (the hormones are making me feel crappy - nasty headache and fatigue) and he has the camera with him (I took the pic before he left but didn't upload it).

EWCM has geared up. Actually thought about putting on a panty liner earlier. I've been drinking tons and tons of water today to keep that CM nice and fertile for those swimmers.

I also found some article about mid-cycle spotting like I experienced a few days ago. There's a lot of debate about what really causes it but the consensus is even though they don't know why for sure it happens - it is always a sign of high fertility even if only for that cycle. So that gives me hope.

Ovulation can occur 12-36 hours after a positive OPK so I will count 1DPO as the day after I get a negative OPK. So if I'm negative tomorrow 1DPO will be Friday.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

CD17 of C7

This was posted on 7/20/11 (CD17 of C7). I'm not really sure why it's posting as Tuesday's date other than the fact that I began writing it yesterday and didn't finish it until today. I just didn't want there to be any confusion.

I'm sad. I'm discouraged. And I've lost my optimism for this cycle.

I am not really sure what happened. I just have this overwhelming sadness right now. I was thinking about the fact that I wish I knew if we did everything we could this cycle. And then I thought about the fact that even if we did everything right and got the timing just perfect it was no guarantee of a pregnancy. Then I began thinking that this is completely out of my control, which I already knew but apparently needed a reminder of.

I know it's out of my control. That's the frustrating part. I know whose hands the control lies. I know that there's nothing I can do to change the plans that He already has for our lives. And even though I know this I am still frustrated by the fact that we can BD every day of my cycle and not get pregnant and then hear about a teenager that has unprotected sex one time and gets pregnant.

I guess I needed this reminder that I'm not in control of this. No amount of OPKs, google searching, or BDing will change the fact that if it's not time for us to have another baby this month - it just isn't going to happen.

I spent a lot of time in prayer today about this. And I'm reminded that I'm being selfish. He's provided for all of our needs and most of our wants. But yet I seem to think this is out of His control. Not only that but there are people out there that are praying for food because they are hungry, or a shelter for their families because they are homeless and here I am obsessing about when I'm going to have another child.

It's so hard not to become self-absorbed and obsessed with this process when you've been at it for so long. I appreciate the perspective I received today and hope that it serves as a reminder the next time I begin to get too obsessed again. Because let's be honest, it'll happen again.

In the meantime, I've had cramps every day since CD1. I don't know if that's good or bad. I've decided that my reward when AF shows will just be a pedicure and I will save the manicure for September. That way I don't run out of pampering ideas too quickly. I will admit, I am looking forward to a pedicure.

Oh and I dreamt of breastfeeding the most beautiful newborn girl last night. Of course I may have had this dream because I have baby on the brain. I always like to look up the meaning of dreams when something is significantly different or off in them. This is what I find when I look up breastfeeding: Old dream interpretation books say that breastfeeding is a symbol of great things to come following an extended period of hard work.

I sure hope that is true, and I hope it means what I want it to mean.

I'm not feeling the best right now and hoping that laying down a little longer will help. I woke up feeling hot, headachey (is that a word?) and crampy.

CD16 of C7

Okay, so definitely now think that the OPK from Sunday was negative. I think this one is positive. What do ya'll think?

The line on the left in the test line and on the right is the control line. Now, if only I could get an HPT to show lines like this!

Now I understand why YoungandInfertile suggested the digital OPKs. This is daunting trying to decipher these every day. I guess we'll see what tomorrow shows. This one is definitely the darkest thus far.

Monday, July 18, 2011

CD15 of C7

Well, I've been trying to keep up with drinking my green tea. I, however, am experiencing some weird side effects from it. Since I've been dieting I've eliminated all pop and therefore am not drinking caffeine on a regular basis. So when I started drinking huge amounts of that green tea it started giving me some anxiety and making it hard to concentrate. I can only assume it was the caffeine. So, I'm still drinking it, I'm just drinking only 6-12 ounces a day.

Also, I'm pretty sure I got a positive on my OPK for yesterday. I'm going to wait a couple days and see in the lines start getting lighter on my OPKs before officially deciding if it was or not. Since I've never really used them long enough to get a positive I'm a little unsure about it. If my tests don't get darker and start to lighten we'll count it as positive. Once I am more certain about ovulation date I will switch headings over to DPO.

I had some spotting yesterday too which I've read about 30% of women can experience at ovulation. Although I don't think I've ever noticed it before it could be another indication of ovulation happening yesterday.

I'm still pretty optimistic about this month. :)

Friday, July 15, 2011

CD12 of C7

I am still having tons and tons of cramping. My body has definitely made up for the lack of mid-cycle cramping last month.

My husband's been on orders and away all week. I'm driving out to Grand Rapids to be with him tonight. My sister is keeping DS for us this weekend.

I'm still waiting for an actual positive on the OPK. The lines are getting more and more pronounced each and every day. If my lines continue on the course their on I estimate probably ovulation on CD 15 or 16.

I have a good feeling about this month. I know I've said it before and nothing has come of it, but it's my blog - so I'm saying it again. I think maybe this could be the month. Of course I reserve the right to change my mind as this cycle wears on. LOL!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

CD9 of C7

Boy oh boy! My body is sure making up for not having any cramps after AF last time. I've been bombarded with extremely strong pains on both sides of my ovaries. It's crazy!

Starting to notice an increase in CM. I wouldn't really call it EWCM yet but I'm sure that's on it's way.

I also wanted to let you all know that I was able to drink 32 oz of green tea yesterday. Having it as iced tea really made me enjoy the flavor more. Hoping this green tea helps with the conceiving and the weight loss.

I hope those who are following me and TTC have a good cycle and I hope you all get your BFPs soon! For those who aren't TTC but follow me anyway, thanks for being part of our journey.

Monday, July 11, 2011

CD8 of C7

So, the line of my OPKs is getting gradually darker. Still no where close to a positive but I am seeing a progression. That being said my DH was put on orders this week and will be gone until at least Friday. It will be my luck that ovulation will happen before then.

I've begun having some cramps. Perhaps my ovaries gearing up to start trying to get an egg ready to go in a few days? Most of the cramps are on my left side, but I did have some AF type ones earlier this morning as well.

I just made a big jug of green tea. Green tea is supposed to be good at increasing your fertility and it is also supposed to help with weight loss. Since I'm working on both of those things I figured I should try again to get in the habit of drinking it. I'll be honest I love tea but green tea is not my favorite. I think I enjoy it more when it's cold so I made some up and it'll go into the fridge. My goal is to drink at least a 16 oz glass of it every day. I'd like to do more but I figure that's a good place to start.

I'm also trying to stay on myself about my prenatal vitamins. I've become lax with them in months prior. I want to do everything I can to have a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy and I know the prenatal vitamins will help that. So far this cycle I've taken them every day.

Friday, July 8, 2011

CD5 of C7

Thank you for all the love and support on my last post. I really appreciate the kind words. I'm so glad that I can belong to a community who understands what's going on and respond accordingly. I only hope I can bring you all such love and support in your time of need as well.

On one of the other ttc blogs I follow, the writer always has a reward for herself when AF shows. She indulges in huge amounts of sushi and some red wine. We've been trying for quite a while now and I am getting to a point that with every passing month and every new AF I am really wrecked and sad. So, I am planning on adopting this tradition as well. A reward will give me something to look forward to. This AF I let myself indulge in one of my favorite meals (which is way too many calories and fat to eat on a regular basis). With my dieting and working so hard to watch what I eat I don't think it will be a good idea to continue with a food reward. So when AF shows up in August I will reward myself with a mani/pedi combo. That shouldn't hurt my diet at all. And each month after that I will come up with a new reward.

I have also decided I will not cut my hair. I haven't decided if I will not cut it until I get pregnant or until I give birth. I'm thinking the latter. I will of course get trims when needed but there will be no drastic amount taken off until at the very least I know there is a child in my womb.

I bought some OPKs from I got 50 tests for under $10. I'm not using them for timing. Honestly we BD enough that timing should not be an issue. I'm going to use them for the same reason I tried to back a few months ago. I want to see if I'm ovulating. I want to see if I'm even having an LH surge. When I tried it back a while ago I never got a true positive. Part of me wonders if I ovulate early and it happened before I began testing. That being said and in combination with my shorter cycle last time around I have begun testing already. Perhaps I ovulate way earlier than I think I do. But, again it's not for timing it's just to see that surge. I don't follow the SMEP in it's entirety, but we do usually BD to their minimum guidelines. OPKs won't change that. I've said it before and I'll say it again married couples should never only use sex as a means to procreate. What a sad sex life you have if you are only having sex when the OPKs tell you to.

So anyways, CD5 of C7. AF is coming to a close. No positive (obviously) on my OPK. I did get a darker line than I expected so I will continue to test in the coming days. But that's about it. Really too early for anything else to be happening yet.

Monday, July 4, 2011

CD1 of C7

So here we are.. Cycle 7. Seven is my favorite number so maybe it will bring some luck this month.

C6 was the shortest cycle I've had in some time. In fact if I'm not mistaken this will have been the shortest cycle I've had since ttc baby #2. I honestly cannot remember having a cycle less than 30 days since I was on BCP and right after I stopped taking it.

I have a couple of theories on the shorter cycle. First of all, maybe with my weight loss (47lbs thus far) my cycles are getting closer to that average 28 day cycle. I may also have had an anovulatory cycle (since I didn't really feel anything from my ovaries this month) and those cycles where you don't ovulate can be shorter (or longer) than normal. I read some where today that weight loss can bring on anovulatory cycles which is a possibility, but based on the fact that my weight loss has been slow and gradual I don't think this is necessarily the issue. I also read that illness can cause you to not ovulate and I did spend a huge portion of this cycle sick.

It's frustrating to no end though. I knew AF was coming last night and I cried myself to sleep. It's hard not to feel like a failure.

CD30 of C6

Well, I've begun to spot. I generally spot off and on for a few days before AF truly shows up. I'll be sure to update with CD1 when AF does truly get here.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

CD29 of C6

I've started having major AF cramps today. :(

I really had hoped that losing weight would help us in conceiving. I'm 47 lbs lighter than about the time we began trying and still no BFP.

I guess this just means I have another month to lose more weight and get my BMI closer to a healthy number before I do get pregnant.

Friday, July 1, 2011

CD27 of C6

I am sad. No completely defined reason I guess. Have you ever just woken up and felt sad? That's been me today. I know part of the reason is the lack of success in the TTC area. I just feel so discouraged.

I want to add to our family so badly. We have the most amazing (almost) 3 year old, and I want so badly to give him the sibling he's been asking for. He's such a loving, sensitive, nurturing soul and I know he will make a great big brother.

I want to be pregnant so badly. I'm sick and tired of hearing about those who got pregnant and didn't plan or want to. I want to have a 'baby bump' and feel life growing and moving within me. I feel like my pregnancy, labor and delivery, and nursing possibilities were all riddled with failures and issues. I think I could have a low risk, no complication pregnancy this time. I think I could have a far better labor and delivery, and I know I could do better with the nursing thing. I pumped for 10 months because I had a child that I could not get latched on, I know I could do better this time.

I know my body was made to do these things and do them with far more ease than what I experienced the last time around. I'm just so ready for the next part of our life.

We have really great friends who just had their first this week. He is beautiful and perfect and they are completely blessed. I am so happy for them. There are few people in this world that I've ever thought would be remarkable parents and they are definitely a couple of those people. They will be awesome parents.

I guess that may be what's spurred this lingering doubt and sadness this week. I'm just ready for it to be our turn.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

CD26 of C6

I'm starting to have some "light" crampy feelings low in my pelvis. Everytime I think "Oh there's some cramps" they completely stop. It's really bizarre.

I think my ear is beginning to mend. It's still not quite right but I think it's better.

I've been having some EWCM today and BBs are big and puffy. All this sounds like the beginning of AF to me. Hopefully not, but probably so.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

CD25 of C6

I have an ear infection. I started on amoxicillin yesterday. Yesterday I also began running a fever (no doubt from the ear infection).

Today I feel like I was hit by a bus (exhaustion wise). I had a day that I felt like this last cycle and I went through my blog to see if I could find out if it was the same cycle day or something. It wasn't. Last month I had a day when I felt like this and it was CD 17 or 18. I've already forgotten even though I just looked. I think my body might just be drained from working on clearing out the infection.

I've had a little bit of gloppy CM today and yesterday. I don't know how else to describe it. I know antibiotics can screw up the chemistry down below so perhaps that's what's happening. No cramps thus far though which is really odd.

BTW, DH seems certain that his swimmers caught the egg. I hope he's right. Normally I'm right about most things, but in this instance I wouldn't mind him being right.

Monday, June 27, 2011

CD23 of C6

Well my EWCM has dried up. I still haven't been experiencing any of the ovarian pains or cramping I usually am experiencing by now. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

I'm not really experiencing any other aches, pains, or oddities as of right now. I guess I'm a little more thirsty than normal but that usually happens to me during ovulation and right before AF.

DH and I were talking the other day about how far apart our children are going to be now (since we can't seem to catch the egg). I think we are both really disappointed by that.

Monday, June 20, 2011

CD16 of C6

It's weird that I haven't had any ovarian cramps yet. I hope this doesn't mean I'm not going to ovulate this cycle. That would be really sad.

My DH seems pretty interested in getting this ball rolling and 'getting me pregnant.' He's definitely more interested than when we were ttc DS. Perhaps he's not so scared of fatherhood now that he knows a little bit of what to expect.

Still have tons of EWCM. Perhaps my ovaries are just being silent this month because they are working really hard on releasing the most perfect egg ever. :) A girl can hope, right?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

CD15 of C6

It's my opinion that those who say, "Just relax and it'll happen" or "Don't think about it and it'll happen" belong to the group of people that need to only have unprotected sex once to get pregnant.

I heard that a few times this weekend at a family function. My son is approaching an age where it would be appropriate for him to have a younger sibling. When people enquire about when he'll be getting one of those (siblings that is) I always say, "We're working on it." And then it is most often followed up by the advice written above.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't completely understand how any woman who wanted a baby could be trying to get pregnant and be able to 'not think about it.' It doesn't consume me like it did when we were trying for our first, but yeah I think about it. It's important to me. I feel like it's part of our next chapter.

But anyways.. Things are going well, I think. I've noticed a lot of soreness from my BBs lately. Also between yesterday and today I began having a ton of EWCM. This could be in part to the cold medicine I've been taking, but I'm not going to dismiss it. I haven't really had any ovarian like pains yet, but I'm sure those will come.

I hope the heat this summer doesn't keep us from BDing as much as normal. It's a little harder to be interested in that when I'm already hot and sweaty. I wonder if anyone else has this problem.

I know there's been a lot of traffic from ladies ttc lately on this blog. I hope each and everyone of you is having a good cycle and that you all get your BFPs soon. I think this is a great way for all the ttc gals to support each other so feel free to follow my blog and if you have one I'll follow yours too.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

CD11 of C6

It's frustrating all this ttc business if you are trying to let nature just take its course without any interruption from you. I dont' have a clear cut answer about when I'm ovulating. I'm said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm not temping, using OPKs or anyother fertility monitoring devices right now.

I really feel that some of those devices can take the "fun" out of ttc. I don't want ttc to become a mechanical action. Our lovemaking isn't just about making a baby and I've read so many stories on so many blogs and forums about that problem. I've read about so many women that will only have sex when they are ovulating and no other time during the month. I wonder if those partners and husband's feel just they are on a stud farm?

Don't get me wrong. I know those who are conceiving with donor sperm (with or without a partner) or through any other means of artificial insemination must time it just right. But I'm reffering to those women who can have sex but only choose to have it during a 24-48 hour window every month. For us at least, I don't want sex to become predictable and less fun.

We've discussed and made the same decision we did while conceiving DS. We will give it a good year of trying without any extra interventions. If we reach a year of ttc without success we will slowly mix some of those extra predictors of ovulation in. I conceived on the 11th cycle with DS, and we conceived an unexpected (and untried for) pregnancy the summer of 2009 that unfortunately ended in a partial missed/retained miscarriage. That unfortunately was not our first miscarriage. So we know I can conceive. I think it's just about catching that perfect little eggy.

And if I'm being completely honest we DTD frequently enough throughout the entire cycle that if there's a good egg there there is no reason we shouldn't catch it.

I'm resigned to the fact that God has a special little one planned for us and it's just not the egg/sperms turn yet. We'll get there.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

CD5 of C6

AF is still here. I think she's getting ready to hit the road though. This AF has been extremely heavy and brought some pretty strong cramps. I hope that is my body clearing everything out to make a really hospitable womb for an egg this cycle.

On another note, I'm a litte sad. I began following a few different ladies blogs who were ttc. I started following these blogs when DH and I began trying for baby number two back last summer. One of the ladies just blogged about entering her 37th week. She wasn't pregnant yet when I because following her blog. It's a little disheartening to think that if we would have conceived back when we first began that we too would be expecting a new bundle any day. :(

Thanks for the comments on my last entry. I appreciate the love and support. I'm glad I don't have to go through this alone and that I can share my struggles with some people who really care besides my DH.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

CD33 of C5 (part 2)

I have begun to spot so that means AF should be here full blown in a day or two. Looks like this cycle is out too.

I'm sad and disappointed.

My goal for the next cycle is to try and focus more on my healthy lifestyle and hopefully conception will follow. My plan is to stay up on eating well, being active, and drinking lots of water.

CD33 of C5

I am having a hard time speaking in coherent phrases while using the computer. My brain seems to be under the impression that as long as I complete a thought in my brain and only type some of the words people will still understand me. Let me clarify my last post from yesterday since I'm under the impression you all are inside my brain and can hear all the thoughts I'm having. :)

If I make it through today that would mean that this cycle has been a complete 33 days long. My next (meaning the last one over 33 days) longest cycle (that being over 33 days) is the one I had that was 42 days long that started in November (and as we all remember just because I have a super long cycle - that is no definitive diagnosis of a pregnancy). So I was just trying to elude to the fact that over the last few months my cycles have been 31-32ish (mostly) and that if I make it through today without starting this will mark a cycle of (currently) above average length. I hope I made more sense this time.

That being said.. I am still waiting for AF to arrive. I tend to spot a couple days before things really get going and I haven't even started spotting yet. I was feeling pretty queasy and got a raging headache last night. I'm still having an increase in CM as well. Still a little bit of cramping. But again (as I stated above), I've been there with that super-duper long cycle and although I'm wanting to be excited, I'm also trying to guard my excitement for fear that this will all come to an end today (or in 10 days).

Now this morning DS and I are heading to the zoo with the church. The zoo is always over-populated with blossoming and expanding baby bumps. Baby fever always makes zoo visits a little bit more challenging.

Friday, June 3, 2011

CD32 of C5 (Part 2)

For my own peace of mind and curiosity I went back to see the lengths of my cycles since we have started ttc baby #2. I'm currently on CD32 now which has been about my norm (or average) recently. If I make it through tomorrow without AF this will be my longest cycle since that one that started in November and was 42 days. I hope this is a good sign and not just my body screwing around with my cycles again.

Length of cycles (since we've been ttc baby #2)
C1 - 30 days
C2 - 36 days
C3 - 34 days
C4 - 42 days
NTC1 - 30 days
NTC2 - 32 days
NTC3 - 32 days
NTNP1 - 31 days

CD32 of C5

AF hasn't shown her face yet.

I am terrified to retest. I think I might lose it if I see a BFN again.

I went to the dentist today and opted to not get the x-rays just in case. My DH looked pretty excited at the reason why I was avoiding the x-rays.

I've been mildly crampy, bloated, gassy, and my BBs are still puffy. I'm still hyper-emotional (cried listening to a song today) and moody. None of this is out of the norm for my period though. The one thing that is out of the norm is my absolute exhaustion. I am wicked tired. But that could be because I'm like an emotional basket case right now.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

CD31 of C5

Let me just state that I hate using HPTs. I hate the endless waiting game too. I'm having a hard time deciding which I hate less. While ttc DS I tortured myself on a regular basis with taking HPTs too early. That's why when I got my BFP with him I got a big, dark, beautiful second line (no squinting needed). I was on CD38 before I tested with him. I had completely abandoned testing before a certain point.

I caved and did a test this morning. AF should be here on Saturday so I used one of those 5 days early HPTs. And although I have line eye and can just about convince myself that something is "there." I know there isn't a second line there. I'm kicking myself for caving and testing before I'd planned. I could have saved myself this much frustration, sadness, and anger.

Something happened this week that makes this even more frustrating. I was at the Dept. of Health this week and while I was waiting I looked over and saw a girl who had to be a tween who was visibly pregnant and about to go into labor any day. Being the nosey person I am, I started eavesdropping and found out that the girl had in fact just turned 13 and was due in 10 days. So this hurts even more. Seriously a 12 year old girl can conceive a baby and carry it without complications, but I can't? Don't get me wrong. I'm pro-life and I'm glad that she didn't abort the baby. I'm just pissed off that a 12 year old who has no business having sex let alone getting pregnant can conceive and I cannot.

So, I have a dentist appt. tomorrow and I know they'll want to take x-rays. I will play it safe and not get them done, but I'm almost certain there's no reason to do that. So these cramps I'm having are AF cramps, and this queasy tummy, puffy BBs, and hyper-emotional state is just my normal pre-AF stuff.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

CD30 of C5

I've been feeling queasy all day long. I'm hoping this is a good sign, but I'm afraid to get my hopes up. I'm mainly nervous to get over-excited because of the cramps I'm having. The cramps that feel exactly like AF is going to start trickling any moment.

If we average out my last 3 cycles AF should be here on Saturday. I just hate this waiting part.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

CD29 of C5

I keep having dreams that I am pregnant or that I get a BFP on a HPT. They are great dreams, but I wake up kind of sad, because I don't know when that will happen for us.

I'm beginning to have real AF cramps. I've tried to brush off some of my other cramps as a little bit different than AF but these are definitely AF cramps. This makes me sad.

BBs are a little puffy and I'm still hyper sensitive (I cried last night holding our DS). These are all PMS for me so I'm pretty sure I'm out. Only time will tell I guess.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

CD27 of C5

After a couple days of really severe cramping it has pretty much subsided. I'm having a little bit of the normal cramps I seem to get around the time of AF (before bleeding actually begins).

I've been hyper-emotional the last few days. I actually cried when my freshly washed bathroom floor (the floor I had just scrubbed on my hands and knees) was dirtied within 5 minutes of finishing it. There's been a couple other emotional outbursts. I'm sure it's just normal PMS stuff though.

I'm so ready and so excited to get pregnant. I just wish it could happen on my time.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

CD23 of C5

I have been having AF like cramps for a day or two now. They are so bad today I actually had to take some tylenol and I've spent the last few hours with my heating pad. So much for saying that I haven't had really terrible cramps the last couple of cycles. I honestly cannot believe I am not having AF right now with cramps this bad. There's been a couple of times I felt a little wetness and ran to the bathroom expecting to see a mess and there's nothing but CM.

I was feeling really optimistic about this cycle, but I am not really feeling that anymore. I think AF is on its way and by the way I'm feeling it will be here anytime. :(

Monday, May 23, 2011

CD21 of C5

I keep getting my hopes way up about this month. I'm afraid I'm in for a sad day in another week or two when AF arrives.

This will be the first full month we've been able to TTC since November. I weigh about 30ish pounds less than I did in November. I'm wondering, hoping and praying that the weight loss will speed up conception. I currently weigh 22 pounds less than when I conceived our little boy. So it's because of those 2 factors that something in my head is telling me it'll be easier to conceive. I'm either going to be highly disappointed or highly ecstatic in just a couple weeks. I really hope it's the latter.

Still having TONS and TONS of CM. I've been having a few pinches and twinges lower in my abdomen. Hopefully these are good signs!

If I haven't gotten AF by Father's Day (which I'm pretty sure is June 8th) I will test. That will put me right around the 36th cycle day (if I'm doing my math correctly), that's longer than my last few cycles. Also, I think it would be a great surprise and gift for my husband.

Friday, May 20, 2011

CD18 of C5

Blah! I feel so worn out. It could be because my son hasn't slept well the last couple of nights. I feel like the undead. I'm just kind of stumbling through each of my tasks today and hoping that the more I do the more awake I'll feel. It's not working and I'm at the point where I actually feel so groggy and kind of dizzy that it feels as though I've taken some cold medicine - which I haven't.

If I've not already ovulated I know I'm getting close. I'm feeling a bit hormonal and my CM is kicked up quite a bit. I really think losing weight has helped in this department. The last couple days it's been so heavy I have run to the bathroom thinking AF has started early. I never had this much CM before. Hopefully this is a good sign of things to come. The larger amount of CM and the longer it lasts really helps in conceiving. Sperm lives the longest in EWCM. The longer the sperm life the more likihood that they will be there to greet the egg when it is released.

Part of me really wants to use OPKs so I know for sure when I've o'ing. But I hate to take the fun out of the baby making process and I think that's what would happen. But anyway, my cycles have been running about 32-33ish days the last few cycles, so I would expect AF around June 5th or so. I hate to get my hopes up, but it would be a heck of a Father's Day gift.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

CD16 of C5

For those of you who are ttc or for those of you that took a while to conceive, did you ever feel that if there is nothing physically wrong with you that there is NO way you didn't make a baby this month? That's how I feel.

It's frustrating to hear stories about people who got pregnant "accidentally", do not want the kids they have or can have sex one time in their cycle (no where near ovulation) and get pregnant.

I definitely will say that since we both know what we're getting ourselves into, making a second baby is a lot more fun than the first. :)

That being said, I've been having a lot more EWCM. Today I also started having some more left sided ovary pain.

As I write this my almost 3 year old is finishing breakfast and telling me how he wants a baby brother and sister. It melts my heart. I cannot wait until we can give him one.

Monday, May 16, 2011

CD14 of C5

Not so much ovarian cramping going on now. Lots of EWCM though. It's a little frustrating because a lot of times when I have more EWCM my nose is extra mucusy (is that a word?) too. I think your body doesn't know which mucuses to increase so it just increases it everywhere. But I guess if I have to deal with a runny nose in order to get pregnant I can do that.

I had stopped visiting my ttc forum while my husband was gone. It just made me sad that we couldn't even ttc and I didn't want to see all sorts of posts from people who could still ttc. So, now that we are back to ttc, I'm back at my forum. It's really interesting to meet such totally different (yet the same) people. We aren't the only couple ttc and not succeeding at it accidentally as so many people claim to.

So anyhow, I'm breaking out really bad right now, and it's got to be the extra hormones kicking in. That coupled with the pains I had a few days ago and the EWCM makes me think an eggy is getting ready to be released. Keeping my fingers crossed for an extra awesome eggy this month.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

CD12 of C5

Holy ovarian cramps Batman! I can't believe the way my ovaries feel right now. It feels like they are gearing up for a battle. I spent most of the morning having right sided ovarian pains and now that has ceased and the left side is all geared up. Hopefully this means my body is working on a super special egg for this month.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

CD9 of C5

Nothing much to report. No current sign of ovulation. My husband will be away for military stuff this weekend. Murphy's law states I will ovulate then. I really hope I get my BFP before summer is over.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

CD5 of C5

AF is coming to an end. This cycle has been a bit different than my normal cycles. Normally I have killer cramps during my whole AF. I only had to take something for cramps once (so far). I wonder if this cycle is still a bit off because of what my body went through during March.

DS is really interested in becoming a big brother. He asks for a baby sister fairly often. But he has told me he is "okay" with having a baby brother too. I'm trying to prepare him for the time when a baby will be here. I know he will be a fantastic big brother.

I was watching a pregnant flash mob dancing (on you tube) last night. My husband saw what I was doing. He then told me, "Don't worry I'll get you pregnant soon." It lifted my spirits. I'm glad that he knows how I'm feeling and that he is looking forward to another pregnancy and addition.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

CD1 of C5

AF has arrived. I am terming this cycle as C5 since this will technically be the 5th cycle of us actively ttc. My DH has drill the 13th through the 15th of this month. And I'm sure it will be my luck that will be about the time I'm ovulating.

I'm trying to be patient. I know this will all happen when it's supposed to.

Monday, May 2, 2011

CD31 of NTNP1

I'm expecting AF anytime. I'm getting pretty crampy and crabby. That's about it.

Monday, April 25, 2011

CD24 of NTNP1

Not too much to report. I just thought since I was going to be updating my regular blog I'd update this one.

I'm still having a lot of right sided ovarian cramps. They are starting to feel like AF cramps so I think AF might be getting ready to come. My DH thinks AF is on its way too. He seems to have the opinion that I am crabbier than normal.

I am guesstimating AF will arrive in about a week. My cycles have been staying pretty close to 30ish days for the last few months.

Friday, April 22, 2011

CD21 of NTNP1

I must admit I am a little apprehensive as to how being in the hospital and having so many procedures has affected my body. I think my body is confused and not really sure what it's doing at this point anymore.

For the last couple of days I have had terrible. I mean T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E, right sided ovary pains. Perhaps a cyst? Perhaps my body trying to reset itself? Perhaps ovulation? Perhaps adhesions from a previous surgery? All I know is that it's pretty strong and pretty severe. And I just hope that whatever my body is doing it's about done, at least for a few days.

I'm slowly but surely getting my strength and stamina back. Things don't make me quite as tired as they had been. Don't get me wrong, I'm still tired, most of the time, but I think it's getting better.

Here's a little something that's a tad bit sad. I started following someone else's ttc blog around the time we started ttc baby #2. This woman is now entering her 30th week. I'm happy for her, but I guess I'm envious too. But I know God does things for a reason, if I had been pregnant when all of these problems arose there is a chance the baby wouldn't have survived. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

CD18 of NTNP1

It's been a while since I've updated. A lot has happened. Since my last blog entry I was hospitalized 3 times (infections, biliary duct blockages, internal bleeding, pancreatitis, liver problems and more nasty infections). My life for the moment was turned upside down. No one wants to be sick and in the hospital, especially when your husband is in the military and is away, and especially not if you already have a toddler who is essence will have to stay with someone else and be separated from not one but now both of his parents. The other big news is that my husband has returned from his active duty training.

I've received conflicting information from different doctors about our attempts to have another child. Based on all my hospitalizations I've had a doctor tell me to wait a couple cycles to ttc, just until I've feeling in tip top shape and out of the woods. Then I've had a couple other doctors that said there is no need to wait whatsoever, and no reason why I shouldn't be able to conceive a healthy, successful pregnancy right now. I'm divided, so therefore I am calling this cycle NTNP. For any of you who know the terminology you know what that means. For those of you who don't it's basically "not trying - not protecting." Which in essence is trying but not so hardcore, I guess. I'm not obsessing about dates, laying on my back for a certain number of minutes afterwards, positions, and CM. If it happens right now it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I am hoping in a cycle or two I will feel the urge to step it up to hardcore ttc again, but right now, this is fine for me.

I spent a lot of time reflecting during my hospitalizations and recovery times. Do I want to do this to another child? Would I be aable to find another person to keep two of my children if I were hospitalized again while my husband is gone for training or a tour (deployment)? What if my husband goes active duty and we move out of state, he deploys, and this happens? Also I've had some tests come back with abnormalities that have to be further pursued, and it could indicate the beginning of some major health issues for me. The idea of being in organ failure within 20 years was one of the possibilities laid upon the table during these illnesses. So I think, do I really want to bring another child into this world that is going to have an even shorter existence with their mother than even Joseph may have? I feel selfish putting another child through the 3 weeks of hospitalizations, procedures, surgery, medications that I just put Joseph through. I know he's young. I know he's resilent. But my poor little guy's world was turned pretty much upside down during this last month. I am terrified to death to put him or another child through that.

So here I am. Unsure. Uneasy. Uncomfortable with the possibilities that lay ahead of me. Who would have thought that the one thing I wanted most in this world (to be pregnant again, give birth again, expand our family) would become such a dilemna for me? I know the stronger my body feels the more I will probably lean towards really, really wanting another child. But for right now I'm just a little scared. I guess that's why I'm leaving it as NTNP, I guess I want God's help in the decision. Which I guess sounds even more selfish.

So anyway, that's my status, that's where I am. I am nervous right now about a lot of things in my life, and the decision to bring another child into this world is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm hoping to be feeling more confident by my next post.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

CD2 of NTC3

Yesterday AF arrived. But the good news is, this is the last NT (not trying) cycle for hopefully a while. I really hope to be pregnant before summer!!

Monday, February 28, 2011

CD32 of NTC2

Still awaiting for AF. I feel like it's right around the corner. I'm pretty bloated, crabby, and crampy. I guess I shouldn't rush it too much, because the longer it takes to get here, the more likely we can catch a fertile period in April (when we'll be together I mean).

Saturday, February 26, 2011

CD30 of NTC2

I'm pretty sure I will have AF arriving any day. I'm been having major cramps. So bad in fact that I had to use my heating pad last night. I can't even remember the last time I had to do that. I'm a bit sad because I really was hoping to we caught the egg and maybe I had a little miracle growing inside. But, after this cycle finishes we should only have 1 more cycle of NT (not trying) before we get to start TTC hardcore again. That's something to look forward to.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

CD28 of NTC2

This past week has brought the birth of my cousin's daughter, and numerous pregnancy announcements from people I know. To say that I'm not a little envious would be a lie. I really can't wait to be carrying a little miracle inside of me again, I can't wait for another chance to have the birth that I want, and I am really looking forward to another chance to breastfeed (and I am hopeful it will be successful).

I know the chances that we caught the egg while I was visiting Georgia are slim, but I am still slightly hopeful and optimistic. It would be the perfect souvenir to bring back from GA. The thing that truly sucks is with my pretty irregular cycles I'm not even sure when I should be expecting AF. My last two cycles were I believe 31 days but the one before that was 40+ days. So, I'm going to guess that somewhere over the next 3 days or so it should be here, but who knows.

So, I'm here, I'm waiting.. impatiently at best. I'm praying and hoping that God has decided to bless us this month.

Oh and by the way.. To see my son with his younger cousin, and be so loving, gentle, and helpful.. Melts my heart! I cannot wait to see him as a big brother. I know he will be amazing!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

CD17 of NTC2

Just wanted to do a little update. I don't want anyone thinking I've abandoned this blog. I hope to get this blog quite busy again once my hubby is home.

Had quite an increase in CM this morning and having some twinges. Thinking ovulation is probably coming pretty soon. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, it will hold off until like Saturday or Sunday or next weekend. Only time will tell..

Saturday, February 5, 2011

CD9 of NTC2

So, as any neurotic ttc will do, I plugged my cycle dates in an ovulation calculator, and was pleased with results. I will be seeing my husband from February 18-21. WebMD has a calculator that allows you to enter the date of your last 3 cycles and guesstimates your ovulation dates from a culmination of your last 3 cycles. I know ovulation calendars are not an exact science, but the dates it told me I would be most fertile were February 17-21. This means, according to WebMD, we may have a chance. I had completely thought this short liason wouldn't be during the right time. But, now I have regained hope. We'll see what happens. If we don't catch the egg, then we'll be back to full out ttc come mid April. So hopefully, fingers crossed, we will have a bun in the oven before Joseph turns 3.

Friday, January 28, 2011

CD1 of NTC2

Well, that last cycle was a much more normal length cycle. Perhaps that extra long one in December was just a fluke. I'll be seeing my husband the third week of February. With our luck we'll miss ovulation. So, I am still considering this a 'not trying' cycle. I am looking forward to getting back in the TTC game. Only about 11 more weeks to go.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

CD21 of NTC1

Nothing much to report, but I wanted to give those who check this blog out everyday an update. I've had a lot of EWCM this cycle which gives me hope for future cycles. I've had also a lot of right sided ovary pain. I kind of think my last cycle may have been an ovulation-less cycle. I think now that I am focusing so much on losing the weight maybe my body is getting back in gear. I'm down 9lbs since December for an overall loss of 19lbs since June. I see my hubby about 30 days and I'm hoping to be down at least another 10lbs. It would be amazing to be able to catch that little eggy when we fly down to Georgia. I'll update again soon!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

CD9 of NTC1

I've been had a lot of cramping yesterday and today. I think maybe ovulation? Who knows with this crazy body. I will be seeing my hubby for 3 days in late February. I will be hoping, praying, and crossing my fingers that I will be ovulating during that time. Hope everyone is having a happy New Year!