Saturday, July 30, 2011

CD27 of C7 (8DPO)

So, I'm getting nervous because my last cycle was only 29 days. We're encroaching on that number. If I only get to CD29 that will more than likely not be a long enough luteal phase. So, I'm hoping I get to at LEAST 11DPO. Please, please, please.

Where to start? Well, I'm still crampy. My cramps now feel kind of colicky if that makes any sense. They are extremely low. And depending on what part of the day it is I bounce back and forth between feeling like they are just like AF cramps or a little bit different.

I've been running a low grade temp several days now and although I had that symptom with DS, I've had cycles since trying for this baby and had the same thing and nothing came of it.

I'm extremely thirsty, which we all know is a common symptom for me around this time.

My CM comes and goes. One day it's heavy and constant and the next, like today, it's pretty much non-existent.

I've been battling a headache for many days now. I don't want to take anything just in case it's an early preggo symptom. Yes, I know Tylenol is supposedly safe, but I'd like to take nothing if I can.

My dreams have been vivid. And I keep dreaming of getting my BFP, but that is also common for this part of my cycle.

I did experience what I feel was an implantation dip on my BBT chart and then a rise the following day. Although this tends to happen more often in charts of women who were indeed pregnant, it can still happen in women's charts who aren't. So, I'm trying not to read too much into it.

My stomach has been off all day too.

I really feel like AF is coming, and I'm not as hopeful as I once was. If you pray, please continue to pray for my cycle buddies Liz and Carrie. And you can throw in a little prayer for us too if you have the time.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

CD24 of C7 (5DPO)

I saw a dip in my temp yesterday at 4DPO which after some research via Google found out is called a corpus luteum dip. It's not indicative of pregnancy or non-pregnancy. It's just something that happens with the corpus luteum as it's releasing progesterone after ovulation.

I, however, do not think my last 2 temps are the most accurate. One night I was up going to the bathroom about 4 times and then last night I was up with DS. I know for your BBT chart to be accurate your temp should be taken at the same time every morning without any interruptions. Unfortunately that is not always possible.

I've been tired the last two days, but I've also had my sleep disturbed so I don't think I would tie it to an early pregnancy symptom just yet.

EWCM has returned in full force today. This is a normal pre-menstrual symptom for me. So is the excessive thirst and headache I've been feeling.

I'm still really crampy. Surprise, surprise - right? I'd like to think they are implantation cramps but it's a little early for that. Implantation normally takes place 7-10DPO so I still have a couple more days I think.

Fertility Friend (FF) the place where I record my BBT every morning has some of my old cycles from when we were TTC DS stored as well. So it averages out my cycle length, luteal phase (LP), and ovulation day. According to FF my average LP is only 11 days. Which seems a tad short to me, but seeing as how this is my first cycle I've recorded while trying for baby #2 that statistic may be off. Especially since it's taking into account cycles from over 4 years ago. I'm sure my body has changed since then.

If I have a cycle as long as I did last month AF will be here in about 5 days.

I'm really also glad to have two cycle buddies. ConstantlyHopeful and I O'ed the same day and are both 5DPO and then my other cycle buddy YoungandInfertile is a little ahead of us as 7DPO. Both of my cycle buddies have been ttc much, much longer than we have. If you have the time please say a prayer for them. They so deserve to get their BFPs!

Monday, July 25, 2011

CD22 of C7 (3DPO)

You know you're a dedicated, hardcore TTCer when you check FF three thousand times a day (even though there's no way anything could have changed since you entered your temp that morning). And you know you're truly hardcore when your garbage can is full of things you've urinated on - and even better, sometimes you keep the most recent thing you've peed on just to compare to the next. How weird is my life? I'm glad I'm not alone.

But anyways, I've attached a link to my chart if anyone understands it or wants to stalk it. It's over to the right ----> that way folks. I've left the nitty gritty details of my sex life off of it, but just know the timing was right on.

I'm still crampy, but when haven't I been this cycle? I had a moment of dizziness that lasted like .2 seconds, so I can't really count that as a symptom. My hormones really have me messed up though. I was up at 6am and couldn't go back to sleep. Anyone who knows me understands that I NEVER rise that early unless my life depends on it. I'm hoping I can sleep soundly and deeply tonight.

So, anyways, I gotta go. Time to check FF again.. :)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

CD21 of C7 (2DPO)

OPKs are still negative, so I feel like I can stop checking. It's hard to do this TTC stuff when you are so darn neurotic.

But anyways, no symptoms to really report. My CM is completely gone. Which I guess is a little weird because I tend to have a lot of CM right up until AF arrives on scene.

I'm in the dreaded 2WW. Where there's nothing I can do but to wait. And I hate waiting.

My temp is still going up so that's a good confirmation of ovulation. If I'm pregnant I could see a dip (possibly signaling implantation) around 7-10DPO. So, I guess I'll be keeping an eye out for that.

But I guess that's it for now..

Saturday, July 23, 2011

CD20 of C7 (1DPO)

Okay, I had a big temperature spike this morning. So basing that with the positive OPK, the temp drop yesterday, and the temp spike this morning; I am counting yesterday as my ovulation day. It probably took place sometime between my evening OPK on Thursday and when I temped on Friday morning. So that means today is 1DPO (1 day past ovulation).

The neurotic that I am will test one more time this afternoon to be sure my OPK is still negative (it's a good thing I got a good deal on them from Amazon).

I still have a bit of EWCM and I'm still crampy. But considering I've cramped every day this cycle I'm not surprised.

ConstantlyHopeful, we must definitely be cycle buddies since we are marking the same day as ovulation day! :)

Friday, July 22, 2011

CD19 of C7

So when I tested yesterday evening (like I said I would on the previous entry) my OPK was still glaringly positive. Of course like the neurotic I am I scoured to the end of the internet looking for how many other women have more than 1 day of positive OPKs. Of course I was doubtful of even getting a positive when I started this and to have two days in a row I figured something must be wrong. But I was assured by the women who play doctors on the ttc forums that only when I got over 3 days in a row of positive OPKs did I need to be concerned. According to my research, PCOS will cause lots of days of positive OPKs, and since I have this condition I was expecting multiple days of positives and then no real conformation of ovulation.

I think my weight loss may be helping the PCOS. Of course I'm just assuming, I haven't had my PCOS monitored in quite a while. But today when I tested (twice - Remember what I said yesterday? I've become a POAS-addict/aholic) my OPK was negative.

I spent so much time googling yesterday my DH came up and said, "Are you trying to find out ways to help us get pregnant?" He's a good guy, and he is working hard (literally and figuratively) to get me pregnant. I'm glad that he's in this with me. I love him a lot (not just for this, but for so many other reasons).

Oh and I forgot (well not really forgot, just omitted) that I began temping again. I know my plan was to not use the OPKs and to not temp until we've failed at 12 cycles but in my defense next month is a year from when we started cycle 1 (so stop judging me! LOL!). And I'm neurotic and a worry wart and was thinking I wasn't ovulating, so now I should have some sort of confirmation. But anywho, I've been temping (only for 3 days) but I got a definite drop in temp this morning and that along with the positive OPK last night should signify that ovulation has indeed taken place.. That is of course as long as my temp goes up tomorrow morning. Rest assured, me and my neuroticism will be sure to update you on that tomorrow sometime.

I also wanted to mention I've been a really good girl this cycle. I've drank green tea on a regular basis, trying my best to drink buckets and buckets of water every day, and I've not missed a prenatal vitamin this cycle. Speaking of prenatal vitamins, I got a different brand at the store and I'm pretty sure it's making my pee neon yellow. And when I say neon, I mean NEON.

My optimism has returned (if only briefly) for now. I ovulated right along with one of my blogging buddies, and I hope you are right YoungandInfertile, this better be both our months! And ConstantlyHopeful, I know we are cycle buddies, and it would be amazing if we could be due date buddies. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I'm just so ready! And Emma, I know you aren't ttc right now, but I appreciate your prayers and support so much. And to anyone else who comments on my entries, or knows what's happening - thank you. I appreciate all the love, all the prayers, and all the support. I'm so glad that we aren't going through this alone.

My mantra this week? "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming." Thanks Dorey. :)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

CD18 of C7

Just wanted to let all of you know that my OPK is still positive. It's not darker than the control line like yesterday but is definitely as dark as the control line. I hope this means I'm getting ready to release the most aweseomest (yes, I know that's not a real word) egg ever! I might take another test before bed just to see if it's starting to get lighter or not. Yes, I've become a POAS-aholic.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

CD17 of C7 (part 3)



Here are the pictures as promised. This is my positive from today. On the left is the test line (please note that it is darker than the control line on the right). This test couldn't get more positive if it wanted to!

CD17 of C7 (part 2)

I definitely got a positive on my OPK today. There was no ambiquity. I even asked my husband. It wasn't too hard to decipher considering that my test line was DARKER than the control line. Didn't think that was even possible.

I will post a pic later. My husband took my son out for the day to give me an afternoon to myself (the hormones are making me feel crappy - nasty headache and fatigue) and he has the camera with him (I took the pic before he left but didn't upload it).

EWCM has geared up. Actually thought about putting on a panty liner earlier. I've been drinking tons and tons of water today to keep that CM nice and fertile for those swimmers.

I also found some article about mid-cycle spotting like I experienced a few days ago. There's a lot of debate about what really causes it but the consensus is even though they don't know why for sure it happens - it is always a sign of high fertility even if only for that cycle. So that gives me hope.

Ovulation can occur 12-36 hours after a positive OPK so I will count 1DPO as the day after I get a negative OPK. So if I'm negative tomorrow 1DPO will be Friday.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

CD17 of C7

This was posted on 7/20/11 (CD17 of C7). I'm not really sure why it's posting as Tuesday's date other than the fact that I began writing it yesterday and didn't finish it until today. I just didn't want there to be any confusion.

I'm sad. I'm discouraged. And I've lost my optimism for this cycle.

I am not really sure what happened. I just have this overwhelming sadness right now. I was thinking about the fact that I wish I knew if we did everything we could this cycle. And then I thought about the fact that even if we did everything right and got the timing just perfect it was no guarantee of a pregnancy. Then I began thinking that this is completely out of my control, which I already knew but apparently needed a reminder of.

I know it's out of my control. That's the frustrating part. I know whose hands the control lies. I know that there's nothing I can do to change the plans that He already has for our lives. And even though I know this I am still frustrated by the fact that we can BD every day of my cycle and not get pregnant and then hear about a teenager that has unprotected sex one time and gets pregnant.

I guess I needed this reminder that I'm not in control of this. No amount of OPKs, google searching, or BDing will change the fact that if it's not time for us to have another baby this month - it just isn't going to happen.

I spent a lot of time in prayer today about this. And I'm reminded that I'm being selfish. He's provided for all of our needs and most of our wants. But yet I seem to think this is out of His control. Not only that but there are people out there that are praying for food because they are hungry, or a shelter for their families because they are homeless and here I am obsessing about when I'm going to have another child.

It's so hard not to become self-absorbed and obsessed with this process when you've been at it for so long. I appreciate the perspective I received today and hope that it serves as a reminder the next time I begin to get too obsessed again. Because let's be honest, it'll happen again.

In the meantime, I've had cramps every day since CD1. I don't know if that's good or bad. I've decided that my reward when AF shows will just be a pedicure and I will save the manicure for September. That way I don't run out of pampering ideas too quickly. I will admit, I am looking forward to a pedicure.

Oh and I dreamt of breastfeeding the most beautiful newborn girl last night. Of course I may have had this dream because I have baby on the brain. I always like to look up the meaning of dreams when something is significantly different or off in them. This is what I find when I look up breastfeeding: Old dream interpretation books say that breastfeeding is a symbol of great things to come following an extended period of hard work.

I sure hope that is true, and I hope it means what I want it to mean.

I'm not feeling the best right now and hoping that laying down a little longer will help. I woke up feeling hot, headachey (is that a word?) and crampy.

CD16 of C7

Okay, so definitely now think that the OPK from Sunday was negative. I think this one is positive. What do ya'll think?




The line on the left in the test line and on the right is the control line. Now, if only I could get an HPT to show lines like this!


Now I understand why YoungandInfertile suggested the digital OPKs. This is daunting trying to decipher these every day. I guess we'll see what tomorrow shows. This one is definitely the darkest thus far.

Monday, July 18, 2011

CD15 of C7

Well, I've been trying to keep up with drinking my green tea. I, however, am experiencing some weird side effects from it. Since I've been dieting I've eliminated all pop and therefore am not drinking caffeine on a regular basis. So when I started drinking huge amounts of that green tea it started giving me some anxiety and making it hard to concentrate. I can only assume it was the caffeine. So, I'm still drinking it, I'm just drinking only 6-12 ounces a day.

Also, I'm pretty sure I got a positive on my OPK for yesterday. I'm going to wait a couple days and see in the lines start getting lighter on my OPKs before officially deciding if it was or not. Since I've never really used them long enough to get a positive I'm a little unsure about it. If my tests don't get darker and start to lighten we'll count it as positive. Once I am more certain about ovulation date I will switch headings over to DPO.

I had some spotting yesterday too which I've read about 30% of women can experience at ovulation. Although I don't think I've ever noticed it before it could be another indication of ovulation happening yesterday.

I'm still pretty optimistic about this month. :)

Friday, July 15, 2011

CD12 of C7

I am still having tons and tons of cramping. My body has definitely made up for the lack of mid-cycle cramping last month.

My husband's been on orders and away all week. I'm driving out to Grand Rapids to be with him tonight. My sister is keeping DS for us this weekend.

I'm still waiting for an actual positive on the OPK. The lines are getting more and more pronounced each and every day. If my lines continue on the course their on I estimate probably ovulation on CD 15 or 16.

I have a good feeling about this month. I know I've said it before and nothing has come of it, but it's my blog - so I'm saying it again. I think maybe this could be the month. Of course I reserve the right to change my mind as this cycle wears on. LOL!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

CD9 of C7

Boy oh boy! My body is sure making up for not having any cramps after AF last time. I've been bombarded with extremely strong pains on both sides of my ovaries. It's crazy!

Starting to notice an increase in CM. I wouldn't really call it EWCM yet but I'm sure that's on it's way.

I also wanted to let you all know that I was able to drink 32 oz of green tea yesterday. Having it as iced tea really made me enjoy the flavor more. Hoping this green tea helps with the conceiving and the weight loss.

I hope those who are following me and TTC have a good cycle and I hope you all get your BFPs soon! For those who aren't TTC but follow me anyway, thanks for being part of our journey.

Monday, July 11, 2011

CD8 of C7

So, the line of my OPKs is getting gradually darker. Still no where close to a positive but I am seeing a progression. That being said my DH was put on orders this week and will be gone until at least Friday. It will be my luck that ovulation will happen before then.

I've begun having some cramps. Perhaps my ovaries gearing up to start trying to get an egg ready to go in a few days? Most of the cramps are on my left side, but I did have some AF type ones earlier this morning as well.

I just made a big jug of green tea. Green tea is supposed to be good at increasing your fertility and it is also supposed to help with weight loss. Since I'm working on both of those things I figured I should try again to get in the habit of drinking it. I'll be honest I love tea but green tea is not my favorite. I think I enjoy it more when it's cold so I made some up and it'll go into the fridge. My goal is to drink at least a 16 oz glass of it every day. I'd like to do more but I figure that's a good place to start.

I'm also trying to stay on myself about my prenatal vitamins. I've become lax with them in months prior. I want to do everything I can to have a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy and I know the prenatal vitamins will help that. So far this cycle I've taken them every day.

Friday, July 8, 2011

CD5 of C7

Thank you for all the love and support on my last post. I really appreciate the kind words. I'm so glad that I can belong to a community who understands what's going on and respond accordingly. I only hope I can bring you all such love and support in your time of need as well.

On one of the other ttc blogs I follow, the writer always has a reward for herself when AF shows. She indulges in huge amounts of sushi and some red wine. We've been trying for quite a while now and I am getting to a point that with every passing month and every new AF I am really wrecked and sad. So, I am planning on adopting this tradition as well. A reward will give me something to look forward to. This AF I let myself indulge in one of my favorite meals (which is way too many calories and fat to eat on a regular basis). With my dieting and working so hard to watch what I eat I don't think it will be a good idea to continue with a food reward. So when AF shows up in August I will reward myself with a mani/pedi combo. That shouldn't hurt my diet at all. And each month after that I will come up with a new reward.

I have also decided I will not cut my hair. I haven't decided if I will not cut it until I get pregnant or until I give birth. I'm thinking the latter. I will of course get trims when needed but there will be no drastic amount taken off until at the very least I know there is a child in my womb.

I bought some OPKs from Amazon.com. I got 50 tests for under $10. I'm not using them for timing. Honestly we BD enough that timing should not be an issue. I'm going to use them for the same reason I tried to back a few months ago. I want to see if I'm ovulating. I want to see if I'm even having an LH surge. When I tried it back a while ago I never got a true positive. Part of me wonders if I ovulate early and it happened before I began testing. That being said and in combination with my shorter cycle last time around I have begun testing already. Perhaps I ovulate way earlier than I think I do. But, again it's not for timing it's just to see that surge. I don't follow the SMEP in it's entirety, but we do usually BD to their minimum guidelines. OPKs won't change that. I've said it before and I'll say it again married couples should never only use sex as a means to procreate. What a sad sex life you have if you are only having sex when the OPKs tell you to.

So anyways, CD5 of C7. AF is coming to a close. No positive (obviously) on my OPK. I did get a darker line than I expected so I will continue to test in the coming days. But that's about it. Really too early for anything else to be happening yet.

Monday, July 4, 2011

CD1 of C7

So here we are.. Cycle 7. Seven is my favorite number so maybe it will bring some luck this month.

C6 was the shortest cycle I've had in some time. In fact if I'm not mistaken this will have been the shortest cycle I've had since ttc baby #2. I honestly cannot remember having a cycle less than 30 days since I was on BCP and right after I stopped taking it.

I have a couple of theories on the shorter cycle. First of all, maybe with my weight loss (47lbs thus far) my cycles are getting closer to that average 28 day cycle. I may also have had an anovulatory cycle (since I didn't really feel anything from my ovaries this month) and those cycles where you don't ovulate can be shorter (or longer) than normal. I read some where today that weight loss can bring on anovulatory cycles which is a possibility, but based on the fact that my weight loss has been slow and gradual I don't think this is necessarily the issue. I also read that illness can cause you to not ovulate and I did spend a huge portion of this cycle sick.

It's frustrating to no end though. I knew AF was coming last night and I cried myself to sleep. It's hard not to feel like a failure.

CD30 of C6

Well, I've begun to spot. I generally spot off and on for a few days before AF truly shows up. I'll be sure to update with CD1 when AF does truly get here.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

CD29 of C6

I've started having major AF cramps today. :(

I really had hoped that losing weight would help us in conceiving. I'm 47 lbs lighter than about the time we began trying and still no BFP.

I guess this just means I have another month to lose more weight and get my BMI closer to a healthy number before I do get pregnant.

Friday, July 1, 2011

CD27 of C6

I am sad. No completely defined reason I guess. Have you ever just woken up and felt sad? That's been me today. I know part of the reason is the lack of success in the TTC area. I just feel so discouraged.

I want to add to our family so badly. We have the most amazing (almost) 3 year old, and I want so badly to give him the sibling he's been asking for. He's such a loving, sensitive, nurturing soul and I know he will make a great big brother.

I want to be pregnant so badly. I'm sick and tired of hearing about those who got pregnant and didn't plan or want to. I want to have a 'baby bump' and feel life growing and moving within me. I feel like my pregnancy, labor and delivery, and nursing possibilities were all riddled with failures and issues. I think I could have a low risk, no complication pregnancy this time. I think I could have a far better labor and delivery, and I know I could do better with the nursing thing. I pumped for 10 months because I had a child that I could not get latched on, I know I could do better this time.

I know my body was made to do these things and do them with far more ease than what I experienced the last time around. I'm just so ready for the next part of our life.

We have really great friends who just had their first this week. He is beautiful and perfect and they are completely blessed. I am so happy for them. There are few people in this world that I've ever thought would be remarkable parents and they are definitely a couple of those people. They will be awesome parents.

I guess that may be what's spurred this lingering doubt and sadness this week. I'm just ready for it to be our turn.