I am sad. No completely defined reason I guess. Have you ever just woken up and felt sad? That's been me today. I know part of the reason is the lack of success in the TTC area. I just feel so discouraged.
I want to add to our family so badly. We have the most amazing (almost) 3 year old, and I want so badly to give him the sibling he's been asking for. He's such a loving, sensitive, nurturing soul and I know he will make a great big brother.
I want to be pregnant so badly. I'm sick and tired of hearing about those who got pregnant and didn't plan or want to. I want to have a 'baby bump' and feel life growing and moving within me. I feel like my pregnancy, labor and delivery, and nursing possibilities were all riddled with failures and issues. I think I could have a low risk, no complication pregnancy this time. I think I could have a far better labor and delivery, and I know I could do better with the nursing thing. I pumped for 10 months because I had a child that I could not get latched on, I know I could do better this time.
I know my body was made to do these things and do them with far more ease than what I experienced the last time around. I'm just so ready for the next part of our life.
We have really great friends who just had their first this week. He is beautiful and perfect and they are completely blessed. I am so happy for them. There are few people in this world that I've ever thought would be remarkable parents and they are definitely a couple of those people. They will be awesome parents.
I guess that may be what's spurred this lingering doubt and sadness this week. I'm just ready for it to be our turn.